Aside
Turning a blind eye to real issues is a great way to feel better about our world.
Rolling our eyes and pretending it doesn’t exist is a great way of making the affected people stop telling you about it. 
And if you stop hearing about it, then it’ll just fade away and you’ll never have to feel guilty again. 
You’re not responsible for what you don’t know, right?
 
This is a common attitude that I’ve observed in America. And it’s a very convenient way to live. Because helping people costs money and time and time is money and caring is exhausting and fighting is dangerous and we all have enough to worry about on our own etc. etc. We all have limits to what we can give, right? In this age of massive organizations and constant advertising for charities and causes and fundraising, I completely understand why people would become tired of it. It’s overwhelming. Especially when we find out the real facts about where our money goes when we donate to large, well-known organizations. (http://money.msn.com/saving-money-tips/blog–the-10-worst-charities)
 
Ouch, why does it feel like we’re being manipulated all the time?
I get it. We are being sold lies and false hopes and answers to problems we never knew existed, and we’re tired of it. Of course we are.
It makes perfect sense that so few people want to fight for a cause. How do we know that what we fight for is right? How do we know if we’re actually helping someone? How do we know which ones to fight for? 
These fears are 100% legitimate. And it’s our choice to face them or not. 
 
But when you open your eyes, when you stop rolling them and you look into the face of these global issues of misogyny, sexism, rape, child-marriages, child-sexual abuse, discrimination against LGBT people, global hunger, human-trafficking, poverty etc. you will be changed. And you will be unable to go back to living a life of comfort and ignorance. In fact, you may even find that you encounter something that brings you real fulfillment. Real joy. You may find that you begin to understand what love means outside of a pretty, fluffed up romance. 
 
What I have learned from diving into the world of social justice is this:
 
Freedom (financial, religious, personal etc.) is an attribute of the wealthy.
Wealth is an attribute of the physically and mentally healthy.
Physical and mental health is an attribute of the privileged and protected. 
Protection is an attribute of the people considered important.
Being considered important is an attribute of the beautiful and the successful.
Beauty and success is an attribute of the wealthy. 
 
I’ve also learned this:
 
Oppression is an attribute of the poor. 
Poverty is an attribute of the neglected.
Neglect is an attribute of those considered unimportant.
Being considered unimportant is an attribute of the unattractive and ill.
Being considered unattractive is an attribute of those who cannot afford health care.
Being unable to afford healthcare is an attribute of the poor.
Being poor is an attribute of the oppressed.
 
It’s called the cycle of poverty. But this doesn’t just apply to the financial poverty. 
Sexual abuse victims are much more prone to mental illness and health problems such as alcohol and drug addiction, depression, suicide, eating disorders, obesity, anxiety disorders, DID (Dissociative Identity Disorder), PTSD, personality disorders etc. Many victims have one or more of these illnesses and disorders. It’s undeniable that suffering from any of these puts a person at a great disadvantage in our success-driven world. 
 
I want to clarify that people who are born into the cycle of poverty are not necessarily unable to break out of it. Many people do, and we applaud them, yet it is a cycle that has been seen so often and for so long that we can’t ignore it. A person’s past and current circumstances does not necessarily mean they will be underprivileged forever. But most do not see a way out, and most do not have one. 
I also want to clarify what I mean by traditional beauty and attractiveness. This is what societies consider beautiful as a whole – in America it is tan (but still light) skin, straight, whitened teeth, perfect hair, thin or muscular bodies, and being well dressed. Braces, cosmetics, fashionable clothes, exercise, and aesthetic health care – these are for people who can afford it. It is also for people who were taught that their health and appearance is important because THEY are important. It has always been like this – in countries and eras where only the rich had enough food; rounder, heavier men and women were considered more attractive. The reason so many countries considered lighter skin as attractive is because the rich didn’t have to work out in the sun where their skin would grow darker from spending hours in the sun. 
 
There is a system in every country that determines who gets to be successful and who doesn’t. 
But we can override that, and many already have. We can teach people that these people are important. We can look at people who struggle in our society and give them a hand instead of judgement. If anyone was a good example of this, it’s Jesus. He hung out with the most socially unacceptable people – the diseased, the dying, the prostitute and adulteress, the liars, the thieves, the poor, and just by having compassion; he brought them freedom. We were made to do the same, just by opening our eyes and allowing ourselves to be invaded by compassion. 
I’m not asking anyone to quit their job and leave their family to go help orphans in an obscure country. No, all I am asking is for you to be open to be changed, and to start thinking about what your part is in breaking the cycles. It may be that you need to ask forgiveness from the person you looked down on because of their addiction. Maybe you need to start studying and researching the social issue that you’ve always been interested in but too busy to commit to. Maybe you DO need to get up, leave, and go work at an orphanage in Cambodia. I don’t know what it is that you may need to do, but start thinking. Start praying. Start doing your research. Start talking about these things. Start sharing your own experiences. And if you’re someone that has broken out of a cycle, then share your story. You never know how many lives you can change just by speaking up.

 

Aside

Silent Sexism

Our culture has fostered and nurtured subtle discrimination to become the norm.

Growing up, I loved the outdoors. I loved to climb trees and sharpen sticks on rocks to make weapons (really). I would build things out of anything I could find and dream about living in a tree house that I would one day build. My favorite color was yellow and blue, not pink (my favorite color has never been pink.) I still liked to dress up in princess clothes but I hated having my hair up. But as I grew older, I learned that girls were supposed to love cooking and sewing and cleaning. That they were supposed to be quiet and respectful of everyone around her. That they were physically weak. That they were supposed to like a certain kind of music and certain toys.

My parents were not intentionally sexist. They were simply teaching me what they were taught by their parents. My mother is Japanese – She grew up in Japan and moved to the States when she was 20 for college. She met my dad, an all american man from Memphis, Tennessee, and got married. They had my brother in Tennessee, me in Taiwan, and my younger two brothers in South Carolina and Japan (respectively). My brothers grew up helping my dad with building things and playing sports and fake fighting (and real fighting). They invited me to play occasionally and I tried, but I realized quickly that sports was not my thing. But I remember clearly, even as a 5 or 6 year old, thinking and believing that I wasn’t going to be good at it because I was a girl. Where did I get that idea? I couldn’t tell you an exact time or phrase that someone said. But now I wonder if sports wasn’t my thing because I had already decided that I wasn’t going to be good at it? When a child is told and shown that they are not or will not be good at something, what incentive do they have to try? Now, I’m not saying that if I had been encouraged to do sports that I would be a pro by now. Not at all. But my point is that I heard it. Over and over again. It wasn’t necessarily that people would say “you suck at sports!” it’s more that they wrote me off and never gave me a chance simply because of my gender. I wonder how many girls out there gave up something that they liked because they were told that they would never be as good as a boy? The same goes for boys. How many boys are talked out of pursuing their love of poetry, or cooking, or fashion design because they were told boys weren’t supposed to like those things? Thankfully, there are those kids who know what they love and they do it despite what other people say. And because of them, we can see examples of great, talented men and women breaking the gender molds.

Sexism can be subtle. And it can come from the sweetest, most sincere and loving people – just because they were taught the same. There’s the violent, mean, and dehumanizing side of sexism too – but I’ll be talking about that another time. I’ve even caught myself doubting in fellow women who go for a traditionally male profession. I’ve caught myself believing that a woman will never be as successful as a man because of (insert gender stereotype here).

I remember crying for over an hour when I got my first period. For reasons that I didn’t understand, I felt that becoming a woman was falling into a life of submission, inferiority, weakness, and limits. I was twelve years old. No body flat out said “Hosanna, being a woman means you need to submit, that you’re weak, that you will never be able to do the things that men do.” I never heard those words. But I had seen it lived out. I watched it on TV, in commercials, in my family, at my school etc. I think the biggest factor, though, was the sexual abuse I had already experienced. With no words spoken to me, I learned that girls were made for men to use. That we wouldn’t be able to fight them off because they’re stronger. That girls were, in every way, inferior to boys.

We, as a society, teach both boys and girls what they should be, and so much of it is crippling. So much of it doesn’t apply to an actual human being. Gender isn’t blue or pink. It’s a sliding scale with thousands of shades. People’s minds and personalities have so many sides and so many facets and so many shapes and colors and dimensions. We teach that boys have certain needs and girls have different ones. Men need respect. Women need love. Men need to feel important and useful, women need to feel cared for and protected. What blows my mind is that we have created a society that is so blind to real human needs that we’ve made love into a vending machine – give her love, and you’ll get sex. Make him feel important, and he will take care of you. This is subtle, learned sexism. This is subtle, quiet, discrimination. And it’s hurting all of us.

I’ve been unlearning everything I’ve learned about gender for years. And as a result, I’ve learned how to treat people much, much better. Talking about it, reading about it, and hearing personal stories is what has helped me understand this issue. I want to encourage all of you to share and talk and discuss the subtleties of sexism so that we can grow to love and respect people for who they are – not for their gender.

 

 

“No, I’m not a feminist – I don’t hate men.”

I clearly remember saying something along those lines when I was around 15 or 16 years old. Somewhere along the line, I had been taught that feminists were bra-burning, man-hating lesbians who were bitter about not having all the control they wanted. I think I picked up that the word “Feminist” was a bad thing when boys, and even girls, at school began to use it as an insult. I was shy and culturally unaccustomed enough to not say anything that might provoke an angry response. I had just moved to the US from my Oxford (UK) home of 8 years. I was in major culture shock. I kept myself quiet and observed so that I could learn how to fit in. But I watched as my female friends were insulted, mocked, and called ‘crazy’ every time they called out a guy for saying something degrading to women. I didn’t think much of it. In fact, I attributed the nasty backlash to teenage hormones and never once considered it to be what it actually was: learned cultural sexism. It would be unfair, and untrue if I say that I never saw girls making crude, sexist comments about boys as well. This definitely happened, but what I saw was that those cases were usually a direct response to another sexist remark aimed at them. It is easy to see how feminism became synonymous with man-hating.

As I made my way through high school and trekked my way through the first few years of my twenties, I began to see, hear, read, and experience exactly why feminism exists. Stories about misogynistic men claiming their ‘right’ to a woman’s body, about girls being told that wanting to be an architect was a bad idea, and especially the countless stories of victim blaming in the cases of rape and molestation.

Feminism came to the surface of society when women (and men) in 1872 decided to fight for simple human rights like owning property, suffrage, and the chance to gain political power. And while countless women have fought and won many battles for our rights, we would be crazy to believe that the fight is over. Women still get paid less than men, we’re still taught that our value is in our sexuality or the way we dress. We’re still taught that it’s our job to prevent rape, and if we are raped, then it was our fault and we should never talk about it. We’re still told that our greatest desire should be to get married and bear children. We still have to be pretty to be on television. And we still have to be ‘manly’ to be successful. I could go on…

I was afraid to call myself a feminist because I didn’t know that oppression still existed. I didn’t know because all of the sexist remarks, degrading comments, and harmful stereotypes seemed just so normal to me. I didn’t know what feminism meant. But when I realized that the definition of feminism was in fact just simple equality for the sexes, I saw just how patriarchal our culture is. As Ellen Page said, “I don’t know why people are so reluctant to say they’re feminists. Could it be any more obvious that we live in a patriarchal world when feminism is a bad word?”

I am a feminist because I believe that all people deserve basic human rights. I am a feminist because I have experienced first hand the oppression of women. I am a feminist because I know that the fight isn’t over. I am a feminist because I want to be able to walk down the street without getting objectified and invited to “suck a ****.” I want to be able to politely decline a date without being afraid to be cussed out or physically harmed. I want girls in school to be able to walk into a classroom, sit down, and not overhear boys behind her talking about all of the sexual acts they plan on doing to her. These are all things that I have experienced and so many of the women in my life have experienced too.

I am a feminist because I love all people.

I invite anyone reading this to post your own reasons for being a feminist. Let’s take back what feminism really means! Guys and girls both 🙂

Quote

“I myself have …

“I myself have never been able to find out precisely what feminism is: I only know that people call me a feminist whenever I express sentiments that differentiate me from a doormat.’ Rebecca West 1882-1983

My reasons for creating this blog is not as much to ‘fight back’ or to retaliate against sexism in the US, but rather to educate men, women, and children about the very real prejudices presented to us on a mass scale, every day. I do not remember the last time an angry post, or shocking statistic alone has changed a mind for good. It may pique interest for a moment, but the effects soon wear off because surface-level curiosity alone cannot change the mind of a people. We would be foolish to assume that we can avoid looking at, and discussing, the deepest, ugliest, most brutally honest facets of humanity, and still expect permanent change.

This is my first step to taking responsibly as a human being to better the lives of those around me. Men, women, children and everyone in between. I am looking forward to having thought-provoking, gritty, and passionate conversations with any and all who are willing.